Party Host Etiquette

The Duties of a Host

The duties of a host depends on the nature of the party.  If the party is a formal occasion like a wedding, the duties of the host(s) can be more complex and certain duties are expected as part of the wedding etiquette.  For a casual party, for example an outdoor barbecue, expectations are minimal and more simple.  Being a host or hostess can come natural to some, and for some it takes a little extra work but with some help and planning this skill can also be learned.

What to do when guests arrives:

• Greetings and Introductions. When guests arrive host(s) should introduce guests to each other, especially if they don’t know each other, or don’t know each other well.  For larger events, sometimes name tags can help guests get acquainted and help to remember each other’s names.
• Drinks for starters. Host(s) should offer refreshments to the guests or if refreshments are self-served, let guests know where to serve themselves and find drinks.
• So, what have you been up to lately? Host(s) should try to chat with each guest individually for a little bit during the course of the party.  Circulate from guests to guests and try to spend a few minutes with each guest.
• Break things up. If guests tend to congregate into groups, try to make sure that all guests are comfortable and not feel excluded from certain groups.  If not all guests know each other, try to introduce guests to other groups or play games that would help the mingling process.
• Eat, Drink and be Merry. Host(s) should make sure that refreshments and food are refilled and tidy up empty glasses, plates, trash, etc. from the party area.

Late Arrivals

• Buffet Service. For buffet style meals, it is generally OK for guests to arrive at different times.   Since guests will be serving themselves anyway, they can help themselves as they arrive.
• Sit Down Meals. If you are having a sit down meal, it is important to specify on the invitation to be on time, and set a prompt time.  Don’t wait more than 20 or 30 minutes for late arrivals, to start the meal.

Delayed Meals By The Host

• Dinner Dilemma! Sometimes as a host or hostess, planning an event does not always go as planned.  Dinner can sometimes not be ready when guests arrive or you may need additional time to get things set-up.  Make sure you have extra appetizers and hors d’oeuvres on hand in case that happens.  This way guests can munch on things while they wait a bit longer.  If you are going to be more than 30 minutes late, make sure you inform your guests of any delays so that they know ahead of time. Don’t hesitate to ask for help, there will always be someone amongst your guests willing to help if you just ask.
• Keep them entertained. If there are kids present, make sure you have lots of activities to keep them busy.  Get lots of crayons, paper, coloring sheets, games, etc. and have it readily available.  If you were able to enlist a local sitter or high school student to help in advance, they can help direct the kids with some fun activities.  Generally adults are pretty easily entertained with conversation but sometimes you may need to nudge things along. Try to entertain adult guests by letting play games or inspire the conversation periodically so they have something to talk about.  Pick random topics and place into a hat and let someone pick out of a hat to start the conversation.

Uninvited Guests

• Avoid a Scene. If an uninvited guests shows up and you generally can tolerate this person, I would not make a scene.  The worst thing to do would be to draw attention to this fact and to make a big deal out of the situation.
• Escorted Departure. If the uninvited guests is a person you absolutely cannot tolerate or stand, or if the event is a formal affair like a wedding where seating is assigned, I would ask a third party for help and escort that person out.

Guests who smoke

• No Smoking Policy. Generally it is common knowledge nowadays that there is a “no smoking” policy in effect in most homes.  However if you will be having guests who you know are smokers, it is best to designate an area where they can go and smoke.  A subtle way to communicate the “no smoking policy” is to have signs directing the smokers to the smoking area like “Smoking room this way”, for example.
• Designated Smoking Rooms. Some areas for smoking could be an open patio, deck, or room with ventilation, like a smoking room or library.  Provide lots of ashtrays and seating so guests can feel comfortable while they are smoking.

Guests Who Won’t Leave

• Party With No End. Sometimes you will find guests who won’t have a clue that the party is over and it is time to go home! Perhaps they had such an enjoyable time and don’t want it to end or they hate to go back home for one reason or the other. Or, perhaps they are just used to partying till the wee hours of the morn.
• Favors. Usually people are given favors at the end of theme parties, so hand them out towards the end of the evening so guests know that the party is over.
• Hint, hint. Start cleaning up, loading the dishwasher, take out the trash, etc.  If the lights were dim and the candles were burning, turn the lights back on and blow out the candles.  Hopefully by then they will get the hint.
• Yaaawwwn. Yawn, stretch your arms out, look at the clock, and mention how tired you are, that you are exhausted and can’t wait to hit the sack in a few minutes.
• Hit the road Jack. If you have leftovers and are willing to share, ask if anyone is interested in taking a small doggie bag home.  Another option is to have some “to go” styrofoam cups handy to offer drivers to take with them for their “coffee for the road”.

Guest Etiquette

• Host(ess) Gifts. Don’t show up empty handed to a party, especially a dinner party.  Bringing a small host(ess) gift like flowers, chocolate, candy, a bottle of wine or a small gift would be a thoughtfull gesture.
• Clean Up After Yourself. Try not to leave empty glasses lying around.  Clean up after yourself and this will make the clean up process for the host(ess) easier at the end of the evening.
• Smoking Etiquette. Do not smoke indoors.  Unless it is understood that the home is a smoking home and it is OK with all guests present.  The best option is to head outdoors to a patio or open area where the air can circulate and where the host(ess) does not object.
• Drinking Etiquette. Do not get drunk. Limit yourself so that you won’t make a fool out of yourself and not remember what you said or did the next day.  If you are unable to drive home, arrange for a taxi or someone to drive you home, preferably in advance.